:: My Anonymous Blog

Plenty of fish

Posted on 24-12-2015

When I broke up with my ex, everyone said “there a plenty of other fish in the sea”. Yep, totally true. Deep down inside I knew that I wanted to be with someone.

This person is so freaking perfect, it’s just unbelievable. We have so much in common and we tell each other everything. It’s just a perfect relationship, next to two things.

1: She lives on the other side of the country, travel time: 5 hours
2: She calls me her best friend.

Point 1 is not the problem here, as you already assumed. The problem is the second point. She calls me her best friend… Of course, it’s a privilege to be called a best friend and I think, it’s also very handy for a relationship. But it does bother me.

Sometimes, I think: “Well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.”, like people said to me. But then, immediately after that I think: “But she’s my fish, she is the fish that I want. I don’t like other fish, no other fish ever told me the things that she did”.

So yeah, that’s some sort of problem right now. I saw her three days ago, after almost four years. It was super freaking amazing, but it also made me realize that I really do like her (more than as a friend). But I also realize that I can’t expect from her to give up her live to move in with me or something…

I really hope that she reads this and says to me how she feels about this, without messing up the friendship that we already have. Because that’s another anxiety; if I lose her, my world collapses. I tell her everything, every single panic attack, every thing that I have to deal with, because I know that she is the only one that is able to help me through it.

So I don’t want to lose my friendship, but I also want something more than just being friends because, you know, you are my special fish.

If you read this, please reply.

~ Riley


Yeah, I know

Posted on 23-12-2015

Two days ago, I had the best day of my life. After almost four years my best friend came to visit me at the place that I live now.

It was amazing, I was very nervous but it all went away when I tasked to her. She is just so framing amazing and she looks so much like me that I am actually starting to like like her :x I do live her as my best friends already but now it looks like she’s prefect as my partner for the rest of my life.

But unfortunately, we live quite a distance apart from each other… Therefore I’m afraid to tell get that I really like her.

What do you think guys? Should I tell her?

~ Riley


A misstep into the spiral of negativity

Posted on 06-10-2015

One of the nasty side effects of bi-polar disorder is the fact that you can get very easily depressed in 5 minutes.
Imagine a spiral; the further you are the more depressed you are. I have the feeling that I just fell a kilometer in it.

So I was on a date today. I liked it, really, but I should’ve kissed her, but I didn’t. I really thought she wanted it as well, but then I thought; well maybe she doesn’t want it and it would mean the end of whatever relationship and I don’t like saying goodbye.

This is just awful. You know that everything went OK, but your mind refuses to see that it actually was OK, instead it just wants to see everything that was not right. Maybe I should’ve said this, or maybe I shouldn’t have said that, wait I really shouldn’t have said that, maybe she doesn’t like me because I said that.

I know that it is a really weird thought and I may not be realistic at all, but that is just what I’m thinking now.

A very depressing time is lurking around the corner.

Here, listen to this:

Okay, bye.


A nice song

Posted on 29-09-2015

Hey everyone,

Long time no see, I’m very busy at the moment.
Read more »


Something bad is going to happen

Posted on 14-09-2015

Hey guys,

Fun-fact: Cows have best friends.

I have no idea what to do with that fact, but it seems to be true.
Read more »


So this is happiness

Posted on 04-09-2015

Hello everyone,

Fun-fact: Cuddling releases natural painkillers.

Well there was a lot of cuddling yesterday.

Read more »


Almost a meltdown

Posted on 26-08-2015

Hey guys,

Fun-fact: Panic attacks can occur both expectedly or suddenly.

This has been a really, really, really weird day. On a normal day, I don’t think, I just do. Today was different, I was thinking the whole time with a frown on my face. Read more »


Enthusiasm funnel

Posted on 25-08-2015

Hey guys,

First of all, I wrote this at night because I couldn’t sleep. I wrote it with one hand on my phone while feeling sad and angry at the same time. So I’m sorry for typos.

Fun-fact: Pigs can experience depression.

Read more »


When I go to bed

Posted on 21-08-2015

Hey guys,

Here I am again!

Fun-fact: Humans spend a third of their life sleeping. That’s about 30 years.

Well some people like to sleep, but some people don’t. Like me. I hate it. If I didn’t had to, I wouldn’t. Why do I hate it, you’re asking? Well, first of all: It’s a waste of time. I mean, read the fun-fact. 30 years of your life! But that isn’t the main reason.
Read more »


Nice TV shows

Posted on 11-08-2015

Hey,

Fun-fact: Superman is hidden in every episode of “Seinfield”.

I don’t watch Seinfield myself, but I do watch some other great shows.
Read more »


I’m not a relationship person

Posted on 09-08-2015

Hi,

Fun-fact: When two lovers gaze at each others’ eyes, their heart rates synchronize.

I don’t know if you read yesterdays post (this one). But if you did, you do know a lot about me that a lot of people don’t.
Read more »


Asperger in combination with bipolar

Posted on 08-08-2015

Hey…

Fun-fact: The usual age of onset of bipolar is late teens to early twenties.

And I think I have it… In combination with a bipolar disorder. I did the tests.. It both came out very high. Does it make me sad? Nope, I already am sad.
It’s funny. One moment, you think that you’re okay, or even very okay, the next moment you feel like shit. Just because of 1 little thought that slipped into your head. It’s kind of scary.
Read more »


Unsustainable

Posted on 07-08-2015

Fun-fact: Enough sunlight reaches the earth’s surface each minute to satisfy the world’s energy demands for an entire year.
Read more »


My current mood

Posted on 06-08-2015

Hey..

Fun-fact: Forcing yourself to smile can boost your mood.

Well, it doesn’t look like that’s helping at all at the moment… I’m kind of sad.
Read more »


Xaireaphobia

Posted on 06-08-2015

Hey,

Fun-fact: Experience of fear may be influenced by social norms and values, fear is an innate response. It is fundamental to the biogical makeup of animals.

Today I want to talk about xaireaphobia. It is the fear of saying goodbye, I don’t know if it is the real name for this disorder but it’s the only thing that I could find.
Read more »


A special person

Posted on 04-08-2015

Hey guys,

Fun-fact: It only takes up to 4 minutes to decide whether you like someone or not.

Previous weekend I went volunteering for some company for the first time, we went to a festival to work there. It was my first festival ever too and I was helping the whole weekend.

“Why?”, you’re asking? Well, I don’t have that much friends actually (more on that later)… It was actually very accidental that I got invited really.
Read more »


Nice song

Posted on 04-08-2015

Hi guys :3

Fun-fact: You don’t like the original version of a song because it’s better. You like it because it’s the one you heard first.

Read more »


Forgetting things

Posted on 04-08-2015

Fun-fact: Your long-term memory shuts down during sleep.

Don’t you think it’s funny? You see or hear thing but you forget then most of the time within a half hour.

Like, 10 minutes ago, I heard a lot of noise outside. It sounded like a helicopter, so I went outside and looked, but I couldn’t see anything. I thought: “Well, this is probably something that I will forget in less than an hour!”
If I post this, it’ll never be forgotten.
Read more »


Hey, I guess my name is Riley

Posted on 04-08-2015

Welcome to my blog.

Fun-fact: You’re now addicted!

What you can expect from me

– I will not tell you my (real) name,, or will I? :3
– I will not tell you my age.
– I will not tell you my sex.
– I will not tell you where I’m from.
– I will discuss some situation with friends, but I will not tell you their personal details. The situations and stories that I’m going to tell soon are real though.
– I will talk to people if they want to.
– I will not care about any copyright information, so sorry if I copied something when I’m not allowed to.
– (Regarding the previous point) I will not post movies, music or that kind of things.
Read more »